D.O.R.

So my sister has been trying to get me to write more. She's actually been PRESSING ME. (Oh yeah Gigi...I am taking shots at you. LOL)….but sometimes there just isn’t anything to write about...sometimes my life really isn't that funny.... Or in most cases, I can’t really find the words to express what I wanna say…..until a few minutes ago. I'm sitting at my desk looking at the clock on my computer, counting down how much longer I was gonna have to sit here and pretend to be working when I heard,…"Our God is an awesome God he reigns” over and over and over again….

Now you would think if Mary’s phone was ringing constantly, that she had probably stepped out of the room…..no no. she hadn’t. She’s sitting six feet away from me. LETTING HER PHONE RING. I wonder if there is a polite way for me to show her how to use the ignore button. Anyway, it was annoying, but it was the perfect catalyst for me to start writing.

A few weeks ago, my sister and I flew to New York to do some wedding stuff. As always, we were rushing through the airport, and even though I was starving, I had no time to stop and grab a bite. (Five Guys was CALLING MY NAME!) So we once we boarded our flight and pushed off from the gate, USAirways makes an announcement…..the plane won’t be going anywhere for 45 minutes. They only pushed off early so the airport records would show that they had an on time departure. WTF! This pissed me off royally because my stomach was growling and we were sitting on the tar-mack only like 100 yards away from Five Guys....(clearly I was starving. LOL)

My sister and I start chatting and playing with my neice when we hear, "Can't Nobody...Love me better. Makes me Happy....."

This is the ring tone for the passenger sitting across from us. This man let the ENTIRE song play. We sat the baffled as to why he thought this was appropriate. But before we could even whisper and talk shit about him and his ring tones.....HIS PHONE RANG AGAIN! Another 80's diva song...in its entirety. LOL! WTF.

Not only did we get the "pleasure" of listening to his whimsical musical selections, but we got to hear his loud, ridiculous colorful conversations about how he was going to New York to "do it big for his birthday", and he told "girlfriend to have a seat until he arrived". LOL.

I hate ring tones. I think they're horrible.

Death of Ringtones.....2002

la da da da… hey hey hey goodbye...

tmi

So I have this thing about people sharing their personal business.....I don't wanna hear it....its personal.

Now maybe I'm a slight hater because I don't have anything juicy to share. Scratch that. I'm not a hater at all. I think some people share too much and in the most inappropriate places. ....IE WORK!

So there have been a couple instances that I'm slightly blown by.

1. HBGSSF telling me how she moved to Laurel to get out of this "situation" she was in. I think she expected me to ask about it or if she was ok now. But I didn't. I just said oh ok, and kept it pushing.
2. The assistant manager at 5South telling me how she's 30 and hopes her grandaddyasslooking boyfriend asks her to move in with him.
3. The mall security guard telling me how he has a female roommate who is not his girl, but he likes to air dry in front of her. WTF. I didn't ask you this. Nor am I interested.
4. The manager at 5South, Blanche, telling me how the UPS man was coming over to her house at 4am so they could "talk", but she didn't want to be bothered. Well if you don't wanna be bothered, tell that fool not to come over. And did she think I was that stupid that I really believe they are talking at 4am?! Ain't no conversation that good. F that. If you really need to talk, hit me after 9pm, right when my minutes start. lol
5. But this one takes the cake.....When again, Blanche, the MANAGER at 5South told me how she likes thugs, but met one of these "dudes who wear red in the 7-11 when they came in town for their Konclave". Apparently they talked on the phone and after the first conversation, he told her he wanted "to poke her belly button from the inside out".....................................................I stood still for about a minute. First trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about. Then, I was paralyzed that she would open her mouth and repeat that bullshit to me. We aren't friends. And even if we were friends, I wouldn't wanna hear that foolishness. She even proceeded to tell me, I mean if he was gonna be a creep, he could have waited til after the first conversation. WHAT?!? No...if a guy is a creep, be one from the gitty jump so I can add you to my "Do NOT Answer" list.
   

So my question is....Do I look like a therapist? Do I give off this super nice caring thing? Bc According to a waiter this past weekend, I'm a bitchy bitch bitch**lol.

I wish I could say that I was exaggerating but I'm actually downplaying the foolishness. What kills me is that I don't ask nor have ever asked any of these people about their lives. Simply put...I don't care.

**Apparently the waiter at my favorite sushi restaurant did not like my special requests on Saturday evening. I only asked for a rising sun roll with no rice noodle garnishing and a po-boy roll with no soft-shell crab, but regular crab instead. He came back and said that the restaurant didn't do that, I argued that they did and my roll was prepared that way the last time I came. Was my request really that complicated? I wanted to argue more and then get the manager, but my sister forced me to let it go. In addition to that, I failed to mention that we waited about 20 minutes for WATER. The waiter said they ran out of clean glasses!! When we finally got our food about 45 minutes later, the waiter STILL messed up and gave us 3 rolls even though I said I no longer wanted my special one and the table only needed two. The evening got better after I drowned my fat girl-bitchy bitch bitch sorrows and my sister's fiance's chatty friend away with a bottle of Fu-Ki plum wine. lol. After returning home in a drunken stupor (I drank almost the whole bottle) and going straight to bed, my sister's fiance found the note that the waiter scribbled on a bar napkin tucked away in our take-home bag that read, "You'se a biotch". I'm not a biotch (a bitch on occasion, maybe)...I like to think I'm just particular. Sigh. smh.

heyblackgirlsoulsistahfriend & the food nazis

So there's a new black lady at work. I guess she's not that new, but I never spoke to her until recently, so she's new to me.

Sidebar: Sometimes I feel like I can't talk to all the black people at work because I don't wanna seem like I'm with the "black clique". I know that sounds crazy. I just like being the person who's slightly stand-offish/ slightly cool/slightly an enigma. I just don't want to give any false impressions. Eh. Oh well.

After I met the new black lady who I refer to as "heyblackgirlsoulsistahfriend" (HBGSSF) and I wish I would have never spoken to her. HBGSSF thinks we are work bfffffs and she stops at my desk EVERYDAY to talk and wants to go to lunch. She almost trapped me into going to lunch bc she said my work crush, Ben the white guy, would be there. I ended up being really busy and didn't make it, but neither did Ben, so oh well, I didn't miss out on anything.

Anyway she was one of the people talking big shit about the biggest loser challenge and how she was gonna do it and win the whole thing. Too bad her money wasn't where he mouth is because she backed out at the last minute. She kills me because she knows I'm in it and she likes to come to my desk to see what I'm eating for lunch. I think to myself, trick if I needed someone to regulate my food intake, I would ask my daddy to stand over my shoulder. (I still don't eat cream based soups because I always imagine hearing my daddy in my ear telling me that they're bad. lol).

Well that's all for now. I'm doing well in the biggest loser challenge so far. I'm praying for motivation to keep it up through the duration of the challenge. Keep me in your thoughts.

back after 2 weeks of craziness

So its been a crazy few weeks. I'm not sure where to begin.


5South
I'm not sure I'm built for retail. Actually. I KNOW I'm not supposed to be working in retail. I was asked to put away 5 large boxes that contained our new shipment of shoes. After about 10 minutes, I told the Manager on Duty that I was finished and asked was there anything else that she needed me to work on immediately. She walked over and checked out the wall where I placed the shoes and said she was surprised I learned the new system so quickly. I asked what system and she explained to me that other people find "running the wall" difficult. I guess I should explain that "running the wall" means putting the shoes in numerical order. LOL. Initially I felt like my intelligence was insulted because I have two degrees. Then after thinking about it for a while, I realized my intelligence was actually insulted because I passed the 5th grade and should be able to put anything in chronological, numerical, or alphabetical order both easily and quickly. Even though I was hired to be a key holder (assistant manager), I'm trying to find a way to tell them I just want to be an associate. I'm cool without making one extra dollar per hour. I'm over learning any more of their new "systems". I just wanna work, get paid, and bounce.



Dunder Mifflin
Mary's back. She's not as loud as she was before she left. But she's back. I guess she saw all of her relatives when she went to Africa so she doesn't need to talk to them as much. She's still working my nerves, but not as bad as before. Also, she was listening to Marvin Gaye the other day. it was pretty funny because I was thinking for someone who is such a Holy Roller, is "Let's Get it On" really appropriate to be listening to? lol.



Anyway. Regular posts will be up and running soon. I'm trying to find the words to describe the new lady at work and the Soul Plane. lol.

fml2.0

So this morning some family members came over to my parents' house and got to see my niece for the first time. And right on cue, someone asked, "since your sister has a baby, when are you going to join the club". I politely said I do have a baby, my dog, Basil.

Now, after a day full of ridiculousness, confusion, and shit talking about what we would have done without a rental car, I made it to the "family reunion banquet".

Surprisingly, my family rolled deep. But then again, one uncle came with his entire tribe in a 15 passenger van from North Carolina. His personal family alone was about a quarter of the participants.

Anyway. After meeting and greeting and discussing my sister's upcoming wedding, again, right on cue...my aunt tells me she's been on facebook (that statement alone deserved a blank stare). Anyway, she said she'd been looking at my facebook page and that It looks like I've been loving being a bachelorette. I responded by saying, "I'm not sure if I love it, but making the most of the situation".

So with that, all of my predictions came through and we aren't even 24 hours into the family reunion. Lol.

1. I'm "not" fat
2. I need to hurry up and have a baby
3. I need a man

Meanwhile, we're being entertained by one of the multinational/multiethnic children from the tribe playing his guitar, my uncle singing his own versions of both "happy birthday" and "redemption song", and my aunt screaming "that's daddy!!" (This reunion is a 90th birthday celebration for my grandfather), listening to my little brother being a newsie about everything (newsie = being EXTRA EXTRA) and watching my Daddy's facial expression after he drank some blue Alisay (This alone was priceless. He was uber grossed out).

This is even better. I volunteered Wayne Brady aka my singing uncle to sing a song for my sister's wedding. Now he's serenading her and asking what song she wanted him to sing. COMEDY! So now the ongoing battle of her sharing my blog address and me recommending wedding songs for him to sing. Lol.

Tomorrow should be interesting....

bbm - good and bad hair

This is a bbm conversation with my sister regarding one of the many random things that happen to me while at work.

Me: Girl
Me: Why did the vietnamese chick Dani ask me how I straighten my hair
Me: Bc she wants a relaxer
Gigi: Lol
Me: She was really serious
Me: I started to google japanese hair straightening bc I just know a black perm would kill her hair
Gigi: What did you say?
Me: I asked her for clarity if she wanted it straight or curly
Gigi: Lol
Me: What kind of perm she wanted
Me: She said she's had both bf, but wanted it straight again
Me: She said her mother in law did it for her bf, but she didn't want to bother her
Me: So I told her I'd google it, but wasn't sure what she should use


The next day...

Me: The asian chick permed her hair
Me: She just told me
Me: ...Used a box perm and all
Me: But said her hair is kinda coarse...asked do I think she damaged it
Me: My answer: not sure. Doubt it if you knew what you were doing. Even if you did, its just hair, it'll grow back
Me: My thoughts: hell yeah you damaged your hair! Stop being cheap. You should have gone to the salon. Now you're gonna go have to get that damaged shit cut anyway
Me: Sigh. Smh.
Gigi: LMAO