bye bye al bundy.

So I'm a punk.....I really couldn't cut it in retail.

After five weeks and a total of eight shifts, today is my last day at 5south. I've been juggling a total of three jobs. In addition to my full-time, I was working at 5S and at my new pt, Diva Fitness (more money, less work, better title - I'm a manager). Over the past couple of days I've been feeling like a member of that Jamaican family that used to be on In Living Color. Remember each family member had like 8 jobs?! The daddy alone was a firefighter, mailman, paramedic, teacher, bus driver, AND prison warden. lol..

Anyway, I knew things were going down hill for my career in retail when I saw a guy I knew from Undergrad shopping with his girl at 5south....before he could even give me the "damn, this is where she ended up" look. I blurted out, "this is my part time job". LOL. Its funny because I'm happy to have the additional income, I just don't want people to think this is my end all be all.

I think the person I'll miss most here is Blanche....but she's leaving too. She's going to work as the manager of the newly opened Rainbow.....[please feel free in insert a blank stare here]

tmi part two
I really wish I was making this story up, but I don't even think my imagination is vivid enough to come up with stories like this. Anyway, this dirty-curly haired middle eastern guy from one of the other mall stores walks in and says he's coming to say his goodbyes. He's leaving for Tel Aviv tomorrow. They hug and chat for a min. They were kinda flirty, but I didn't really think anything of it. Anyway, when he walks out, Blanche says, "That boy has the best sex ever". TOTAL WTF moment for me. But to entertain her, and slightly satisfy my own curiosity/nosiness, I asked for clarification as to whether or not they had sex in 5South. She tells me, "NO! We had sex at his house." followed by a pause....."And in the back of his store".

I just imagined Blanche's short, fat ass pressed up against a wall, grunting and sweating while getting it in with this tall, dirty haired Israeli mall worker.

BUWET (That's the throw-up sound). There is nothing else to say. I just walked away to straighten up shoes (and write this story down so I remember every word of it. lol)

laughable moments:
1. Blanche said she had been plotting to take me over to Rainbow with her. BLANK STARE. Sorry Charlie, that was NEVER an option. I thought 5S was too much. I'll be damned if I'm straightening up glitter jeans and baby tees all night.
2. The mall security guard said he'd miss me and wrote down his number on a scrap of paper. Right when I was about to throw it away, Blanch says, "Girl call him. He may be a good late night side piece." double blank stare. (maybe she hasn't checked the HIV rates in the district....or even checked those long dirty finger nails that the mall security guard is rocking. His nails look like they're carrying some type of virus. I can't even stomach the idea of shaking his hands....so sex....HELL NO)


**What's crazy is that even though I'm working 60 hours this week, I'm STILL making MORE money and working LESS hours than I did when I worked at some ABC Big 4 Accounting firm.

Sigh....farewell 5south.

tmi

So I have this thing about people sharing their personal business.....I don't wanna hear it....its personal.

Now maybe I'm a slight hater because I don't have anything juicy to share. Scratch that. I'm not a hater at all. I think some people share too much and in the most inappropriate places. ....IE WORK!

So there have been a couple instances that I'm slightly blown by.

1. HBGSSF telling me how she moved to Laurel to get out of this "situation" she was in. I think she expected me to ask about it or if she was ok now. But I didn't. I just said oh ok, and kept it pushing.
2. The assistant manager at 5South telling me how she's 30 and hopes her grandaddyasslooking boyfriend asks her to move in with him.
3. The mall security guard telling me how he has a female roommate who is not his girl, but he likes to air dry in front of her. WTF. I didn't ask you this. Nor am I interested.
4. The manager at 5South, Blanche, telling me how the UPS man was coming over to her house at 4am so they could "talk", but she didn't want to be bothered. Well if you don't wanna be bothered, tell that fool not to come over. And did she think I was that stupid that I really believe they are talking at 4am?! Ain't no conversation that good. F that. If you really need to talk, hit me after 9pm, right when my minutes start. lol
5. But this one takes the cake.....When again, Blanche, the MANAGER at 5South told me how she likes thugs, but met one of these "dudes who wear red in the 7-11 when they came in town for their Konclave". Apparently they talked on the phone and after the first conversation, he told her he wanted "to poke her belly button from the inside out".....................................................I stood still for about a minute. First trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about. Then, I was paralyzed that she would open her mouth and repeat that bullshit to me. We aren't friends. And even if we were friends, I wouldn't wanna hear that foolishness. She even proceeded to tell me, I mean if he was gonna be a creep, he could have waited til after the first conversation. WHAT?!? No...if a guy is a creep, be one from the gitty jump so I can add you to my "Do NOT Answer" list.
   

So my question is....Do I look like a therapist? Do I give off this super nice caring thing? Bc According to a waiter this past weekend, I'm a bitchy bitch bitch**lol.

I wish I could say that I was exaggerating but I'm actually downplaying the foolishness. What kills me is that I don't ask nor have ever asked any of these people about their lives. Simply put...I don't care.

**Apparently the waiter at my favorite sushi restaurant did not like my special requests on Saturday evening. I only asked for a rising sun roll with no rice noodle garnishing and a po-boy roll with no soft-shell crab, but regular crab instead. He came back and said that the restaurant didn't do that, I argued that they did and my roll was prepared that way the last time I came. Was my request really that complicated? I wanted to argue more and then get the manager, but my sister forced me to let it go. In addition to that, I failed to mention that we waited about 20 minutes for WATER. The waiter said they ran out of clean glasses!! When we finally got our food about 45 minutes later, the waiter STILL messed up and gave us 3 rolls even though I said I no longer wanted my special one and the table only needed two. The evening got better after I drowned my fat girl-bitchy bitch bitch sorrows and my sister's fiance's chatty friend away with a bottle of Fu-Ki plum wine. lol. After returning home in a drunken stupor (I drank almost the whole bottle) and going straight to bed, my sister's fiance found the note that the waiter scribbled on a bar napkin tucked away in our take-home bag that read, "You'se a biotch". I'm not a biotch (a bitch on occasion, maybe)...I like to think I'm just particular. Sigh. smh.

back after 2 weeks of craziness

So its been a crazy few weeks. I'm not sure where to begin.


5South
I'm not sure I'm built for retail. Actually. I KNOW I'm not supposed to be working in retail. I was asked to put away 5 large boxes that contained our new shipment of shoes. After about 10 minutes, I told the Manager on Duty that I was finished and asked was there anything else that she needed me to work on immediately. She walked over and checked out the wall where I placed the shoes and said she was surprised I learned the new system so quickly. I asked what system and she explained to me that other people find "running the wall" difficult. I guess I should explain that "running the wall" means putting the shoes in numerical order. LOL. Initially I felt like my intelligence was insulted because I have two degrees. Then after thinking about it for a while, I realized my intelligence was actually insulted because I passed the 5th grade and should be able to put anything in chronological, numerical, or alphabetical order both easily and quickly. Even though I was hired to be a key holder (assistant manager), I'm trying to find a way to tell them I just want to be an associate. I'm cool without making one extra dollar per hour. I'm over learning any more of their new "systems". I just wanna work, get paid, and bounce.



Dunder Mifflin
Mary's back. She's not as loud as she was before she left. But she's back. I guess she saw all of her relatives when she went to Africa so she doesn't need to talk to them as much. She's still working my nerves, but not as bad as before. Also, she was listening to Marvin Gaye the other day. it was pretty funny because I was thinking for someone who is such a Holy Roller, is "Let's Get it On" really appropriate to be listening to? lol.



Anyway. Regular posts will be up and running soon. I'm trying to find the words to describe the new lady at work and the Soul Plane. lol.

grand hustle.

One morning, I was rudely awakened when I checked my Bank of America Account.... I realized that maybe Target isn't as cheap as I thought it was and I should probably check into rehab and or put Target on hiatus for my shopping addiction.

Anyway, I started returning anything that was un-worn, un-used, and un-necessary, and decided that a part time job could be a good look for me as well. So in my search, one of my classmates told me her PT was hiring and I should come in to talk with her manager, Blanche**. I met with Blanche on Thursday and was hired on the spot!

But here is a snippet of how my interview went...

Blanche (manager): I was really impressed with your resume....Do you think you can help me with mine?
Me: [In my mind - WOW, is she seriously asking my for resume help on MY interview] Oh sure I can help you. I can actually refer you to a friend of mine who assisted me with it. He name is Ebony Kofi**. She's very resourceful. She helps with resumes, interview skills, and negotiating.
B: Oh wow. Can I get her number?
Me: Of course....let me write it down for you....[in my mind, damn I hustle for my homies!]
B: So...what would you do if a customer is rude?
Me: Well, I don't take it personally. I evaluate the situation and determine if I should try to help them or speed up the transaction so they leave.
B: Good answer
Me: [in my mind - was it?] Thanks!
B: What do you do if you think a customer is stealing?
Me: First, I'm gonna be really honest with you.....I'm not running after someone for some shoes. I hope this question doesn't make or break the job for me. But I really don't wanna risk my life bc I don't know what else they have in their bag.
B: (cracking up). Thanks for being honest.
Me: I would contact a manager and proceed with store procedures for suspicions of theft.

That's about it. But I think the highlight of the interview was when I said I wasn't chasing after anyone. lol. I got that from a disgruntled cashier at Ikea who "gifted" me with two duvet covers. lol.

Anyway, today is my first day at the new gig. Wish me luck. :)


**of course names were changed.