Sorry I've been M.I.A., I've been busy helping my sister plan her wedding and work has given me more responsibilities (the actualy want me to work).
I'll be back soon with stories about the wedding, Mary, etc., etc., etc.
Thank you for your support.
dCc
So my sister has been trying to get me to write more. She's actually been PRESSING ME. (Oh yeah Gigi...I am taking shots at you. LOL)….but sometimes there just isn’t anything to write about...sometimes my life really isn't that funny.... Or in most cases, I can’t really find the words to express what I wanna say…..until a few minutes ago. I'm sitting at my desk looking at the clock on my computer, counting down how much longer I was gonna have to sit here and pretend to be working when I heard,…"Our God is an awesome God he reigns” over and over and over again….
Now you would think if Mary’s phone was ringing constantly, that she had probably stepped out of the room…..no no. she hadn’t. She’s sitting six feet away from me. LETTING HER PHONE RING. I wonder if there is a polite way for me to show her how to use the ignore button. Anyway, it was annoying, but it was the perfect catalyst for me to start writing.
A few weeks ago, my sister and I flew to New York to do some wedding stuff. As always, we were rushing through the airport, and even though I was starving, I had no time to stop and grab a bite. (Five Guys was CALLING MY NAME!) So we once we boarded our flight and pushed off from the gate, USAirways makes an announcement…..the plane won’t be going anywhere for 45 minutes. They only pushed off early so the airport records would show that they had an on time departure. WTF! This pissed me off royally because my stomach was growling and we were sitting on the tar-mack only like 100 yards away from Five Guys....(clearly I was starving. LOL)
My sister and I start chatting and playing with my neice when we hear, "Can't Nobody...Love me better. Makes me Happy....."
This is the ring tone for the passenger sitting across from us. This man let the ENTIRE song play. We sat the baffled as to why he thought this was appropriate. But before we could even whisper and talk shit about him and his ring tones.....HIS PHONE RANG AGAIN! Another 80's diva song...in its entirety. LOL! WTF.
Not only did we get the "pleasure" of listening to his whimsical musical selections, but we got to hear his loud, ridiculous colorful conversations about how he was going to New York to "do it big for his birthday", and he told "girlfriend to have a seat until he arrived". LOL.
I hate ring tones. I think they're horrible.
Death of Ringtones.....2002
la da da da… hey hey hey goodbye...
So I'm a punk.....I really couldn't cut it in retail.
After five weeks and a total of eight shifts, today is my last day at 5south. I've been juggling a total of three jobs. In addition to my full-time, I was working at 5S and at my new pt, Diva Fitness (more money, less work, better title - I'm a manager). Over the past couple of days I've been feeling like a member of that Jamaican family that used to be on In Living Color. Remember each family member had like 8 jobs?! The daddy alone was a firefighter, mailman, paramedic, teacher, bus driver, AND prison warden. lol..
Anyway, I knew things were going down hill for my career in retail when I saw a guy I knew from Undergrad shopping with his girl at 5south....before he could even give me the "damn, this is where she ended up" look. I blurted out, "this is my part time job". LOL. Its funny because I'm happy to have the additional income, I just don't want people to think this is my end all be all.
I think the person I'll miss most here is Blanche....but she's leaving too. She's going to work as the manager of the newly opened Rainbow.....[please feel free in insert a blank stare here]
tmi part two
I really wish I was making this story up, but I don't even think my imagination is vivid enough to come up with stories like this. Anyway, this dirty-curly haired middle eastern guy from one of the other mall stores walks in and says he's coming to say his goodbyes. He's leaving for Tel Aviv tomorrow. They hug and chat for a min. They were kinda flirty, but I didn't really think anything of it. Anyway, when he walks out, Blanche says, "That boy has the best sex ever". TOTAL WTF moment for me. But to entertain her, and slightly satisfy my own curiosity/nosiness, I asked for clarification as to whether or not they had sex in 5South. She tells me, "NO! We had sex at his house." followed by a pause....."And in the back of his store".
I just imagined Blanche's short, fat ass pressed up against a wall, grunting and sweating while getting it in with this tall, dirty haired Israeli mall worker.
BUWET (That's the throw-up sound). There is nothing else to say. I just walked away to straighten up shoes (and write this story down so I remember every word of it. lol)
laughable moments:
1. Blanche said she had been plotting to take me over to Rainbow with her. BLANK STARE. Sorry Charlie, that was NEVER an option. I thought 5S was too much. I'll be damned if I'm straightening up glitter jeans and baby tees all night.
2. The mall security guard said he'd miss me and wrote down his number on a scrap of paper. Right when I was about to throw it away, Blanch says, "Girl call him. He may be a good late night side piece." double blank stare. (maybe she hasn't checked the HIV rates in the district....or even checked those long dirty finger nails that the mall security guard is rocking. His nails look like they're carrying some type of virus. I can't even stomach the idea of shaking his hands....so sex....HELL NO)
**What's crazy is that even though I'm working 60 hours this week, I'm STILL making MORE money and working LESS hours than I did when I worked at some ABC Big 4 Accounting firm.
Sigh....farewell 5south.
So the sweatbox of a waiter decided he wanted to be a smartass or funny or something and overcharge me for the bill on Saturday. I just happened to check BOA and realized I'd been charged $40.50 when I know for a FACT that I wrote a nice even $35 on the receipt! Not only did he overcharge me, but he over charged my sister AND her fiance!
Well, Mr. Sweatbox must not know that the one thing that will completely PISS me off is when you are "f*&%ing with my money!"
I have BOA on speed dial, and just that quick, within 5 minutes, my claim was filed and resolved and my $5.50 is back in my account. Next call.....Sake Cafe....I'm about to GO IN and get loose on this phone call!
I guess he was right...I'se a biotch....ha!
So I have this thing about people sharing their personal business.....I don't wanna hear it....its personal.
Now maybe I'm a slight hater because I don't have anything juicy to share. Scratch that. I'm not a hater at all. I think some people share too much and in the most inappropriate places. ....IE WORK!
So there have been a couple instances that I'm slightly blown by.
- HBGSSF telling me how she moved to Laurel to get out of this "situation" she was in. I think she expected me to ask about it or if she was ok now. But I didn't. I just said oh ok, and kept it pushing.
- The assistant manager at 5South telling me how she's 30 and hopes her grandaddyasslooking boyfriend asks her to move in with him.
- The mall security guard telling me how he has a female roommate who is not his girl, but he likes to air dry in front of her. WTF. I didn't ask you this. Nor am I interested.
- The manager at 5South, Blanche, telling me how the UPS man was coming over to her house at 4am so they could "talk", but she didn't want to be bothered. Well if you don't wanna be bothered, tell that fool not to come over. And did she think I was that stupid that I really believe they are talking at 4am?! Ain't no conversation that good. F that. If you really need to talk, hit me after 9pm, right when my minutes start. lol
- But this one takes the cake.....When again, Blanche, the MANAGER at 5South told me how she likes thugs, but met one of these "dudes who wear red in the 7-11 when they came in town for their Konclave". Apparently they talked on the phone and after the first conversation, he told her he wanted "to poke her belly button from the inside out".....................................................I stood still for about a minute. First trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about. Then, I was paralyzed that she would open her mouth and repeat that bullshit to me. We aren't friends. And even if we were friends, I wouldn't wanna hear that foolishness. She even proceeded to tell me, I mean if he was gonna be a creep, he could have waited til after the first conversation. WHAT?!? No...if a guy is a creep, be one from the gitty jump so I can add you to my "Do NOT Answer" list.
So my question is....Do I look like a therapist? Do I give off this super nice caring thing? Bc According to a waiter this past weekend, I'm a bitchy bitch bitch**lol.
I wish I could say that I was exaggerating but I'm actually downplaying the foolishness. What kills me is that I don't ask nor have ever asked any of these people about their lives. Simply put...I don't care.
**Apparently the waiter at my favorite sushi restaurant did not like my special requests on Saturday evening. I only asked for a rising sun roll with no rice noodle garnishing and a po-boy roll with no soft-shell crab, but regular crab instead. He came back and said that the restaurant didn't do that, I argued that they did and my roll was prepared that way the last time I came. Was my request really that complicated? I wanted to argue more and then get the manager, but my sister forced me to let it go. In addition to that, I failed to mention that we waited about 20 minutes for WATER. The waiter said they ran out of clean glasses!! When we finally got our food about 45 minutes later, the waiter STILL messed up and gave us 3 rolls even though I said I no longer wanted my special one and the table only needed two. The evening got better after I drowned my fat girl-bitchy bitch bitch sorrows and my sister's fiance's chatty friend away with a bottle of Fu-Ki plum wine. lol. After returning home in a drunken stupor (I drank almost the whole bottle) and going straight to bed, my sister's fiance found the note that the waiter scribbled on a bar napkin tucked away in our take-home bag that read, "You'se a biotch". I'm not a biotch (a bitch on occasion, maybe)...I like to think I'm just particular. Sigh. smh.
heyblackgirlsoulsistahfriend & the food nazis
Posted by d. christina at 7:59 AM Labels: dunder mifflin, smh, WOO HOOSo there's a new black lady at work. I guess she's not that new, but I never spoke to her until recently, so she's new to me.
Sidebar: Sometimes I feel like I can't talk to all the black people at work because I don't wanna seem like I'm with the "black clique". I know that sounds crazy. I just like being the person who's slightly stand-offish/ slightly cool/slightly an enigma. I just don't want to give any false impressions. Eh. Oh well.
After I met the new black lady who I refer to as "heyblackgirlsoulsistahfriend" (HBGSSF) and I wish I would have never spoken to her. HBGSSF thinks we are work bfffffs and she stops at my desk EVERYDAY to talk and wants to go to lunch. She almost trapped me into going to lunch bc she said my work crush, Ben the white guy, would be there. I ended up being really busy and didn't make it, but neither did Ben, so oh well, I didn't miss out on anything.
Anyway she was one of the people talking big shit about the biggest loser challenge and how she was gonna do it and win the whole thing. Too bad her money wasn't where he mouth is because she backed out at the last minute. She kills me because she knows I'm in it and she likes to come to my desk to see what I'm eating for lunch. I think to myself, trick if I needed someone to regulate my food intake, I would ask my daddy to stand over my shoulder. (I still don't eat cream based soups because I always imagine hearing my daddy in my ear telling me that they're bad. lol).
Well that's all for now. I'm doing well in the biggest loser challenge so far. I'm praying for motivation to keep it up through the duration of the challenge. Keep me in your thoughts.
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